Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well. Things have shifted for me over the past four weeks, some good some bad. With the way things had been for the last time it had been a real low for a while but despite all the aches, pains and other issues, I thought “pfft it’s not gonna get much better” and decided rather than waiting for things to improve to just do and be more me.
I’m organising getting help with my mental health but it is a long wait for anything, so I’m glad I’m taking the steps early before it becomes an issue. What I’ve been struggling with most which surprisingly isn’t the isolation or anything that I’ve been through the last three years or at least not a major contributor. The major thing is the inability to get walking and adventuring, when I first tried back in January it was still too soon and way too sore, it wasn’t enjoyable when I done anything and felt like a complete chore.
This time round not that things were much different, I’ve just learned to manage and control things a lot better with timing meds and what I can and can’t do. The main trigger for trying again was getting out for the Perseid meteor shower, I got the proper camera out for the first time in near four years got the exposure length, focus and all that set up and used the remote trigger to just keep snapping away while I sat there looking up.
It was awful for meteors and pictures but just sitting there looking up for two hours on the sun lounger in the middle of the night felt right. From then I knew I wanted, and pretty much needed to get out properly again to take pictures and explore. I managed a few short trips and taking a few days’ rest, I’ve gradually been building it up to more and more challenging things and increasing in frequency too. I’m still at a point that where after I’m pretty damn sore but the next day things are not as bad and I’ve been able to do things again rather than having to rest a few days.
After going on an adventure, mentally I feel better and my mood is generally so much better and looking back over the pictures always makes me smile remembering different locations for different things. Some places I have been have completely changed from what they were like before some just exactly as I remember them. It’s been great though. But with the highs are the lows and they follow pretty quickly, as I said the pains are pretty bad. My leg, back and chest are all still playing up pretty bad.
When I initially start walking, I’m not in too much pain but there is a gradual build up in my back and stomach and after a while it’s too much and have to stop and stretch out. My leg is sore pretty much all the time but it starts off bad and eases but the odd time I just get seemingly random sharp pains, and there are a lot of ways I can’t move the leg because it is sore.
When I’m sitting around my legs are mostly ok but again if I get up to do anything, agony. There are times depending on the seat that it feels like the bone is being pulled out of the socket at the hip or knee. That’s definitely not pleasant and when I’m lying down if there is pressure on my thigh it feels as if the leg is bending. At rest my back is the big problem, if I’m sitting somewhere with no back I gradually slouch more and more and then my stomach gets sore and the back tightens up. If I’m leaning on something where there is pressure just in the wrong places it feels like someone is pulling at your rib and every so often this slow increasing pain comes along, it starts off as nothing and gradually builds up. This feels something along the lines of what I think a hot poker gradually moving closer and into you back.
Lying down can be a real nightmare, lying on either side the pressure on the ribs causes pains and the same on my front, on my back it’s not much better, the pains in my back stomach and legs, if it’s not one it’s the other, or the other. If I time things just right or am so tired I just pass out are always the best options to get a good sleep.
Despite the pains though the last few weeks have been pretty good, I’ve certainly been more me again which is nice, out adventuring and socializing with new and old friends and much more to come, I planned a trip four years ago but was never able to get it done, but now it’s the perfect time of the year to do it so I’m tempted…